Dating Today

Dear Goldy:

I am a kallah, so no need for dating advice here. I’m looking for life advice. I’ve spoken with my parents. I want to get a neutral party to weigh in.

I’ve had this article in reserve for a while. I wrote it and decided not to publish it. This weekly column is about dating. I didn’t want to branch out and start writing about other things, even though marriage is the next step after dating/getting engaged. I’m not like celebrities who use their platform to push another agenda. I may like them because of the characters they play in a television series or movie, but then they start preaching about air pollution or politics. I like them because of what they do: They act. I don’t want to hear what they have to say about our carbon footprint or anything of the sort. Stay in your lane: acting. I want to stick with dating and engagement. But a friend of mine advised me to write an article about being a good wife (but spouse seems more appropriate because I try to help both men and women). I began searching my files for this article and with a few minor edits, here it is:

I published this letter a few years ago. It broke my heart and I’m sure the hearts of readers, as well. I never forgot about this woman because of what had happened to her, the cruelty and premeditation of it. But I am elated to say that I received an email from her right after Purim this year with an update.

Dear Goldy:

I went out a few times with a girl. The next thing I know, the shadchan calls and told me that the girl doesn’t want to see me again. The reason: She thought I was too argumentative and that I disagreed “with everything she was saying.”

I have been asked a few times why I am so “hard” and “write mean things” about shadchanim. Once I hear that question, I keep the eyerolling to myself and tell the person that if that’s what she thought I was doing, then she missed the point of my column entirely. Let me share some of my experiences with some shadchanim when I was single. It’s only to those people that I’m critical of and you’ll understand why.

Dear Goldy:

I know you can relate to my issue. I’ve been in the parshah for decades and, baruch Hashem, I’ve gone out with plenty of men/boys. I’ve had a dry spell or two, but for the most part I’ve been dating. As you can imagine, if I’ve gone out for decades, then I may have dated hundreds of guys. You’re right. I didn’t keep a journal or will write book like you did. It was more for me. I’d write the guy’s name, a line or two about him, and the date, and that was it. It was really for the purpose of if I was ever redt to the same person and I couldn’t remember him or details... It’s not like I’m the only one doing this. Friends do it and I’m sure plenty of singles, male and female, do it.