Dating Today

Dear Goldy:

I’ve always wanted to be a kollel wife. I’ve wanted to work and support my husband while he sits and learns. But I think I’m having a change of heart. The fantasy I have in my head is slowly disintegrating. I see my friends and my sisters, sisters-in-law, etc. and how they are living the life I thought I wanted. I’m beginning to ask myself if I want that life anymore or, rather, if I’m actually able to live it.

The name of the column is “Dating Today.” I get emails from those in their shanah rishonah asking for advice. The first year of marriage is the hardest because now two lives are blended into one. The “I” becomes “we” and all that other fun stuff. I can’t offer any advice to newlyweds, because the questions they ask are problem/shanah rishonah specific. They need to figure it out on their own, because there will be many more questions/issues/situations that need to be resolved and I won’t be there to help. The chasan and kallah learn the lessons together and grow while trying to navigate the ups and downs of the first year.

Dear Goldy:

My boyfriend David (fake name) and I have been going out for several months. We both know which direction this is going. I don’t want to jinx anything by doing anything wrong. David is a great guy. He’s tons of fun to be with, very outgoing, a little spontaneous, because he’s surprised me a few times. He also makes me feel special and treats me soooo well. Whenever we’re out, I feel like he’s the “man,” and a Type A personality. That’s fine. I like that. I’m writing to you because I’m confused about his social media and the “David” I’m with.

Why can’t people go out and have a good time on a date? And while they are having said good time, they can hopefully get to know each other? Why do some dates feel like a job interview? Yes, I know you are interviewing for the job as spouse, but some dates feel like a barrage of questions are being shot at you. It’s not a conversation, it’s a Q&A session. And let me tell ya somethin’: that’s not how you get to know someone.

This week, I’m the one with a question. And it was formed during the last couple of weeks between camp and school, while spending time with my children, my nieces, and nephews and some of my friends’ children. Practically all of them have a tablet, an iPhone, or a gadget of some sort that they either play games on or watch Cocomelon/YouTube on. No, this has nothing to do with parenting, so don’t worry. What I noticed with almost each one of those children is that when something comes on the screen that they don’t want to see, a “boring part,” or a (GASP!) ad, they skip over it. These kids are always swiping right or left. They want to be entertained at all times. They can’t handle it when something bores them. They don’t know what to do.

Dear Goldy:

I have married off children, and they didn’t marry the first person they dated. All my children dated for a while before they met their spouses. So, I have heard my share of dating stories and read your column religiously, but I’ve never come across or even heard of something like this happening.