From the moment a baby is born, parents dream of the day they will walk them to the chupah. But for many, the road to marriage is not simple. Some will face a winding, challenging, and often painful journey before finding their match. And now, at a time when so many homes have been destroyed, the need to build has never felt more urgent.
In 2012, Roi and Judy Stern founded Chiburim, a social start-up dedicated to helping singles in Israel’s religious and secular communities find their mates. Drawing from her own experience as an older single and dating coach, Judy sought to create an initiative that not only introduces singles but supports them through the process.
Chiburim’s approach extends beyond matchmaking. Members are assigned trained mentors who personally get to know them, suggest matches, and provide professional guidance. These mentors, who volunteer out of a deep passion for helping others, offer encouragement while ensuring that singles remain independent and confident in their journey. Even after mentorship meetings conclude, members are invited to remain part of the Chiburim community until they marry. Chiburim also organizes high-quality singles events, believing that, first, people should have fun – then they should get to know each other. While Chiburim cannot guarantee a match for every member, they commit to searching for one.
The war has reshaped every aspect of life – including dating. Liel Harel, a relationship coach and Chiburim’s Director of Training, exuded passion, commitment, and optimism as she shared how the organization has adapted to meet these evolving needs.
After witnessing destruction and loss, many single reserve soldiers have returned home with a deepened desire to build. Seeing their married comrades lean on their wives and children during the darkest moments, they realize that they, too, want to create a home and family. Similar to a post-war baby boom, there has been a surge in the desire for marriage since October 7. In response, Chiburim welcomes single reserve soldiers into their community free of charge, offering them the support and guidance they need to begin a new chapter.
The dating experience has changed for many women as well. Before the war, they would schedule a blind date at a mutually convenient location. This first date would last two to three hours. Now these women find themselves traveling to army bases for dates that can last for five hours. The war has transformed dating itself. Conversations run more deeply, and time feels more precious than ever.
Tragically, hundreds of soldiers have fallen, leaving behind grieving widows and girlfriends. Other soldiers have been wounded physically and psychologically. Bereaved siblings feel the need to fill the void left in their families. Chiburim has taken it upon itself to help these individuals.
When Chiburim publicized that they were seeking partners specifically for wounded soldiers, they were shocked by the response they received. Almost 300 women expressed interest in meeting a man wounded in the war. They see these men as heroes – strong, driven by ideals, and destined for success. The wounded soldiers who often suffer from many losses want to heal. A meaningful relationship can help the healing process.
Some of the soldiers have hesitations. Will the women they meet accept their injury? Liel answers this question matter-of-factly. The women will appreciate them as they are. They don’t know what they were like before the injury, so they won’t be making comparisons. The soldiers will also bring personal growth gained from the war into their relationships.
Some widows also hesitate. Though many have marked a year since their husbands fell, they still grapple with the question of whether the time has come to remarry. Among their concerns is how their families will react. Many feel uncomfortable searching dating sites, and only a few friends or relatives suggest shidduchim.
One woman was uncertain when she was introduced to a wonderful man injured in the war. “Will I become his caretaker?” she asked. Liel reassured her gently: “He will receive the care he needs – but you will be his wife.” Today, this couple is on the verge of engagement.
Liel shared a touching conversation she had just that morning. She had called a widow for an intake, only to hear the woman say she felt her late husband had sent Liel to her. The reason? Liel’s call had come on the exact anniversary of the day her husband had proposed to her four years earlier.
To date, Chiburim has facilitated 703 weddings and 97 engagements. Taking inspiration from the phrase dinei n’fashos – matters of life and death – Liel describes Chiburim’s work as dinei l’vavos – matters of the heart. With so many homes shattered on October 7, now is the time to rebuild. May Chiburim continue helping singles find love, healing, and connection. May we see many more homes built in joy.
Please continue to daven for the wounded, the release of the hostages, and for the success and safe return of all of our soldiers and security personnel.
Postscript: On Sunday morning, I awoke to the incredible news that three widows of the war had gotten engaged. May the joy continue. Always “smachot”!
Suzie Steinberg, (nee Schapiro), CSW, is a native of Kew Gardens Hills and resident of Ramat Beit Shemesh who publishes articles regularly in various newspapers and magazines about life in general, and about life in Israel in particular. Her recently published children’s book titled Hashem is Always With Me can be purchased in local Judaica stores as well as online. Suzie can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and would love to hear from you.
