Standing at a wedding several weeks ago, I noticed a little redheaded boy dressed in his finest, enjoying the festivities. He appeared to be about four or five years old, the same age as Ariel Bibas, who was still in Gaza at the time. My mind was immediately filled with thoughts of Ariel and his baby brother, Kfir. It is remarkable how a family we have never met becomes part of our daily thoughts.
At that point, we were clinging to a fading glimmer of hope that Ariel, Kfir, and their mother Shiri were still alive. As Ariel’s look-alike danced with joy together with his siblings, it was painfully clear that Ariel himself was far from experiencing any pleasure. In the best-case scenario, he was merely suffering. In the worst, he was no longer among the living.
Ariel and Kfir were happy, innocent children until they became victims of a war they could not understand. Like countless Jewish children throughout history, they paid the ultimate price for simply being who they were.
Throughout history, Jewish children have been among the greatest casualties of human cruelty. The Midrash states that when the Jews were enslaved in Mitzrayim, Pharaoh decreed that Jewish infants be cemented into the walls when their parents could not meet their quota of bricks. How cruel!
During the Holocaust, Jewish children witnessed unspeakable horrors. Sometimes their own family members were murdered before their eyes. Many were so young that they had no understanding of what led to their unimaginable suffering.
The atrocities of Mitzrayim, the Holocaust, the Spanish Inquisition, pogroms, and other instances of Jewish persecution are all part of our history. Yet, we often think of these as horrors of the past. October 7 shattered that illusion.
October 7 was a wake-up call, reminding us of what our enemies are capable of. They relish committing acts of terror beyond our imagination. The scenes are unbearable to watch or hear about. To this day, I have avoided the gruesome photos and videos they were so proud to share.
But the horrors of October 7 are far from over. The physical torture that hostages endure while in captivity, coupled with the psychological trauma of their families and the entire Jewish world, continues to weigh on us. And even when the last hostage returns, the wounds will take generations to heal.
The fate of the Bibas family is beyond comprehension. The perpetrators of this brutality cannot be categorized as humans. They are something else entirely. I don’t know what.
The Bibas family were murdered early in the war. To prepare us for the inevitable, we were warned of grave concern for their fate. But their deaths were not the result of Israeli fire, as Hamas falsely claims. The terrorists brutally murdered these innocent babies in cold blood. How can such monsters be considered human?
Israel braced itself for the unbearable day when the bodies of the Bibas family and Oded Lifshitz – abducted from Kibbutz Nir Oz – would be returned. It was expected to be a day of national pain. A military ceremony, including the recitation of T’hilim, was planned. The Israeli Health Ministry urged citizens to minimize their exposure to the news for the sake of their emotional well-being.
Before handing the bodies over to the Red Cross, Hamas paraded the victims’ bodies through the streets of Gaza, to the amusement of men, women, and even children. Yet even that was not enough. In a further twist of cruelty, they didn’t return Shiri Bibas’ body. Only after the Israeli government confirmed that the body they initially received was not Shiri or any other hostage, did Hamas finally return her actual remains.
The terrorists may be easily identified by their attire, but those who appear civilized, yet blame Israel for this just war while refusing to condemn Hamas, are guilty as well.
Programs exist to teach children about the Holocaust in an age-appropriate manner. Yet, no structured programs exist to help children process the horrors of October 7. The terror continues. Treating an ongoing trauma is vastly different from treating a past trauma. The mental health system is overloaded and overwhelmed. How do we explain this to our children? How do we process it ourselves? How do we raise our children to have faith in a world where such barbarity exists? There are no easy answers.
As I watch the emotional reunions of hostages with their families, I feel a mix of emotions. On one hand, I feel uncomfortable intruding on such an intimate moment. On the other hand, it is extremely gratifying to finally see the return of those we have worried about and davened for. But when the hostages return in coffins, there is no fulfillment. There is only grief.
In their darkest hour, the Bibas family is trying to balance their need for privacy with the desire to include those who have worried and davened on their behalf for the past 16 months. The photo of Shiri shielding her two redheaded children became a symbol of the horror that unfolded on October 7, making those two little redheads everyone’s children and the subjects of countless t’filos.
While he struggles to come to terms with his loss, Yarden, Shiri’s husband, has expressed gratitude for the overwhelming support that he and his family have received. Yet, he and his family have asked for one simple thing: to let them decide if and when to share the details of their loved ones’ deaths.
The Bibas family will be buried in a private funeral on Wednesday. Their route to the cemetery has been publicized, allowing those who wish to do so, to line the streets and wave them on with Israeli flags. The funeral will be live-streamed, and the family has requested privacy. Honoring their wishes is the least we can do.
The heartbreak of the Bibas family will remain with us. Tragedy has a way of intertwining lives, making strangers feel like family. Our divided nation is united in grief. But true unity must not come only in times of tragedy. We must carry it forward.
Let’s hope that Israel’s suffering will soon end and that the Bibas family and our entire nation will find strength on the long road to healing and peace.
Please continue to daven for the recovery of the wounded, the release of the hostages, and the safe return of all our soldiers and security personnel.
Suzie Steinberg, (nee Schapiro), CSW, is a native of Kew Gardens Hills and resident of Ramat Beit Shemesh who publishes articles regularly in various newspapers and magazines about life in general, and about life in Israel in particular. Her recently published children’s book titled Hashem is Always With Me can be purchased in local Judaica stores as well as online. Suzie can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and would love to hear from you.
