Are you incurably addicted to your own gratification? Perhaps you engage in inordinate amounts of pleasure-seeking. Maybe you know someone who seems incredibly self-absorbed. Your friend or mate may even ignore you in the name of his own needs.
Many of us ignore inner development and simply do socially sanctioned activities. Without self-exploration, you may simply be a poor version of who you can truly be. Perhaps you work at a job that is not remotely fulfilling. Heck, want to avoid stress at work? Don’t go to work. And you know what they say: Do not underestimate your abilities. That’s your boss’ job.
But truly, you might spend time with people with whom you truly have little in common other than superficial matters. You know, the wrapping may be lovely, but the box is empty. Some do not even seem to have an inner compass. You believe in staying grounded in strong beliefs and principles. Perhaps they even set a foundation for your life choices. Some folks simply do not have that.
Many of us have learned to parrot opinions about all sorts of issues. We fear disapproval as if it is disastrous to take a moral or ethical stand of our own choosing. I implore upon you, sweet friends, to stop worrying so much about the judgments or opinions of strangers or even some family members. Your beliefs should not be rendered moot by a clueless society.
With so many among us, we simply cannot share what is really passing through our mind at any given moment. You might feel too intense for others in polite company. Suppose you feel anxiety-laden. Yet you have to operate with a constant degree of politeness in social settings. Just remember: None are so empty as those who are full of themselves.
No one finds your preoccupations or obsessions particularly attractive or appealing. So you edit your true self. Much of who you are may not even be readily understood by many of your acquaintances. And know this: Your beliefs do not make you a good person; your behavior does.
That sense of alienation may feel soul-destroying and only serves to exacerbate your feelings of loneliness. But with the right friend, there will be no limits to the depth of compassion and caring.
After all, who wants to feel under constant pressure to prove your status or likability? Imagine the gift of being able to share your extreme vulnerabilities and compulsions without being judged. You can even be less than charming one day, and your loved one will still tolerate you.
Perhaps you cried incessantly or scheduled a mini-temper tantrum after your boss scolded and shook you down. Heck, I would cry but my makeup’s too expensive. Then again, cheers to the boss who can turn a five-minute meeting into a two-hour lecture. We learn so much – about patience.
And for mercy’s sake, please do not keep company with folks who are excessively concerned with physical comforts or the acquisition of wealth and material possessions. Maybe money doesn’t buy happiness, but I’m accepting donations to test that theory. It’s been said: It’s good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven’t lost the things that money can’t buy.
To get most people to like us, we oftentimes have to keep most of who we are under wraps. Is there anyone who knows you really well, and still likes you? That friend or mate may literally put you back together at times.
I know, sometimes it’s hard to tell if life is passing you by or trying to run you over. By all means take the time to focus on what is truly profound and purposeful for you. Remember that you don’t protect your heart by acting like you don’t have one. If you were granted the option to do anything you wish, what would you do, my friends?
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
