Opinion

‘Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.’ When you find yourself facing a problem or dilemma in your life, do you ask for advice? Who do you ask? A close friend or a loved one? Truth be told, oftentimes what we are looking for is validation, not guidance. So you asked her what to do, but you already made that decision and you just want her to give you the thumbs up.

Is it possible to separate our emotional reactions from the circumstances we find ourselves in? Do you worry about nearly everything? Worrying is actually good for you. You heard it here first. After all, worrying is what inspires you to set your house alarm or to build a tent at the campsite so as not to get eaten by a bear.

You know what they say: Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking. But what happens when you have an annoying thought, or you experience a distressing event? After all, we all need to defend ourselves against anxiety and sadness. We have built in psychological strategies to help us put distance between those undesirable feelings and ourselves. They are known as defense mechanisms.

 Do you ever yearn for what your friend or neighbor has? Do you secretly resent his success or wealth? Believe it or not, whom and what you are jealous of reveals who you are on the deepest level. Sure, we all express happiness at the good fortune of others at social events. But, when you want something you don’t have, does it cause you anguish, even agony at times?

Careful who you pretend to be. You might forget who you are. So, you arrived at this intersection, and may be questioning everything you thought you knew about life. Whether we know it or not, existential crises are almost always spiritual in nature. At times, you may feel like you don’t even understand who you are anymore. Who do you want to be? Do you even remember who you were before society told you who you should be? But heck, it’s Friday so any plan of being a productive member of society is officially thrown out the window.

Yes, we all have our own subjective reality. Are you able to validate someone else’s, even if you don’t agree with them? If you’ve ever had someone dismiss or belittle your feelings, you know how invalidating that can be. You just poured your heart out, and there she is saying: “It could be worse.” Well, you know it could be a lot better, too. The truth is that if you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness or smallness, remember: Things could be worse. You could be them. But please do not say those words to someone suffering greatly. Offer empathy and compassion. Perspective and enlightenment will come in time.