Feelin’ Funny: Mordechai Schmutter

Part 1

SCENE 1:

Interior of a cave in the times of the Yevanim.  Three Yidden – Azzi, Berish, and Chanina – are sitting around a table when a trio of Greek soldiers bursts in, wearing togas and armor and brandishing spears.  The Greek soldiers have names too, but we’ll give their English approximations.

Of all the industry trade shows out there, the only one that I cover, religiously, is Kosherfest.  And the reason is simple: There’s food.

There are all these articles written on how to make a vort – what to do beforehand, what to prep, how to set up, whether to rent a hall or do it in a house – but there are never really articles for the people showing up at the simcha.  Especially the people who don’t really want to be there.  I mean, they’re happy for the baalei simcha, but… I don’t want to have to go to your stuff.

I enjoy complaining about Daylight Saving Time as much as the next guy, but this new law that the government is trying to pass is not the way to deal with it.  Complaining about is the way to deal with it.  Like our fathers and their fathers before them, all the way back to sometime after they had real things to complain about.

Every year, I write an article about the Ig Nobel Prizes – a real, live ceremony wherein mostly scientists receive awards for studies that sound silly, but actually have awesome applications for real life, if the scientists will someday figure out what those are.

So we’ve had birds in our house for two weeks now.  And we all have holes in our fingers.

(NOTE: This article was written shortly after Sukkos.)