Feelin’ Funny: Mordechai Schmutter

I think (as a Language Arts teacher in a mesivta) that teachers would actually have a really nice salary if we got paid for overtime.

The first thing my chicken did when she hatched eggs last month was hyperventilate. This same chicken that, for the previous three weeks, had been sitting perfectly still with a look of determination, but as soon as there was suddenly peeping and miniature versions of herself running around underneath her, she was looking around in a panic, as if to say, “Now what?”

My brother just bought a house. Yes, despite everyone’s fears, it is possible, even in today’s economy and with one parent in kollel, to scrimp and save and finally find an actual affordable house, which, thanks to today’s housing market, is not really bigger than his basement apartment. His apartment has three bedrooms, depending on your definition of a bedroom. The house, meanwhile, is advertised as four bedrooms, but that’s because the people who lived there before him did not see the need for a dining room. (Non-Jews dine like once a year. The rest of the year they just eat.) The only thing he’s gaining I think is a yard. And a basement, but he has a basement.

The chickens came first. At least for us.

So apparently, we have more chickens now, through no fault of our own. Well, no recent fault of our own. We had chickens in the first place -- that was our fault. But now we have more chickens.

If you’re looking for a nice place to visit this summer to look at some niflaos haboreh, and maybe remember why you don’t live there, I would definitely recommend Niagara Falls, at least for the purposes of this article.

Today, with almost zero ado, we’re going to talk about

HOW TO FIND AN OBJECT YOU’VE LOST IN YOUR HOME.