Feelin’ Funny: Mordechai Schmutter

Most criminals, if you had to guess, do so for the money.  Or revenge.  But apparently, there are some people out there committing crimes for other reasons.  Sometimes it’s hard to tell what the reasons are.  Some of these people aren’t even criminals – they’re just normal people getting carried away, and then arrested.  And some of these people are doing things that make you say, “But why would someone commit that crime in the first place?” 

Today’s topic is “How to Clean Oil Out of Things.” Never mind why. Let’s get to work:

How to clean oil off the laminated brachos cards your kids made, between the lamination and the paper:

When I was growing up, if you were sick, you went to a doctor.  Those were strange times.  Nowadays, if you’re sick, the doctor doesn’t want to see you.  I mean, you’re sick!  If doctors saw sick people all day, every day, do you know what their life expectancy would be?

A few months back, I wrote an article complaining about how many waking hours of Purim we spend in the car.  It’s almost all of them, we figured out.  But in my excitement to complain about Purim, I totally forgot how many waking hours of Chanukah we spend in the car. 

This week’s article might be a little hard to understand, because I have *cough*cough*cough*cough* a cough. I can’t get through one *cough*cough*COUGH*cough*COUGH* sentence without coughing.  Even typing a sentence, apparently. 

I would have to say that one of the biggest issues with running a Chanukah gift article every year is that I write it too close to Chanukah, and all the good gifts are already sold out.