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Well, do we have some ideas for you!  They’re bad ideas, of course, but that’s what makes them perfect for you. 

Frequent readers of this column are aware that about once a year, I get out of the house head off to Kosherfest, which is the biggest kosher food industry trade show within a seven-mile radius from my house.  For two days, everyone in the kosher food industry gets together – manufacturers, kashrus organizations, Israelis selling face cream, and security guards, and apparently one security dog, who was there to sniff for dangerous items but ended up spending a lot of time near the sausages – to either shake hands or pretend that they’d really like to, but they’re holding too many food samples.

It’s once again that time of year when we talk about the Ig Nobel Prize ceremony – an actual ceremony, held in Massachusetts, that celebrates the head-scratching scientific discoveries that are ignored by the so-called “Nobel Prize Committee”, because they did not get into the business to be entertaining.

It’s cold.  That’s all I can think about right now, as I sit in my drafty 80+ year old Passaic house, five feet from my front door. 

As I’m writing this, it is 7 degrees outside, and according to my device, it feels like it’s negative six. 

Welcome back to “How Should I Know”, the column in which we attempt to answer people’s questions and hope they don’t take our advice seriously and ruin their lives.

As frequent readers of my columns may have figured, I don’t really speak a lot of Yiddish.  Or at least I try not to use it as a crutch in my writing.  Like there are some humor writers out there – particularly in the general public – that think that if you pepper in an “Oy vey!” here and there, it’s just as funny as an actual punch line.