Perhaps you regret having trusted her. Clearly, trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. As they say: It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. And the only statistics you can trust are those you falsified yourself. But truly, whether it’s romantic or even professional, without trust it is simply a matter of time before the relationship falls apart.

Do you even know who you can trust and put your faith in? What about the friend who gossips about others? Listen. I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

But seriously, people who break others’ confidentiality are not the ones you should have much confidence in.

Perhaps he talks badly about his other acquaintances to you and doesn’t address his friends honestly. Instead, he airs all that dirty laundry to you or anyone who will listen. Speaking of which, don’t you wish your bank account refilled as fast as your laundry basket? Then again, it’s been said: Whoever said death and taxes were the only guarantees in life obviously never had to do laundry.

But truly, does she lack any self-awareness or insight? She may be self-centered and highly insensitive to your feelings or needs. Please do not put your happiness in her hands.

Choose close ones who take responsibility for their actions. Do you? How often do you shift the blame to him or get defensive with her when confronted with a behavior? Always hold yourself accountable, sweet friends.

Sadly, there are many among us who simply lack empathy. They cannot put themselves in your shoes no matter how comfortable they are. You know what they say: New shoes cure the blues. Heck, you’re only one pair of shoes away from a good mood. I get it. But some will even use your good nature against you. Do not trust someone who only ever disappoints you.

If he constantly tries to manipulate you into agreeing with him, please beware. Self-absorbed people can be charming and appealing despite being manipulative and crafty. Perhaps she only cares about you when she has a use for you.

When others are around, he suddenly turns into a different person. If he desperately wants to impress others, he may never be real with you. She may care more about her image than you. Many of us have to deal with difficult people. Indeed, there are some who can cause us more harm than good.

Please try to avoid people who invalidate your feelings or undermine you. Does your so-called friend always seem to one-up you? He tells everyone in earshot how he beat you in the pickleball tournament. (Pickleball: The only place it’s cool to be in the kitchen.) What if she brags about her real designer bag endlessly? You may end up feeling worthless around her. Folks like that interpret any success you may have as their failure, hence their need to belittle you.

Hanging out with self-centered friends will leave you with a decreased sense of your own value. If you surround yourself with negative, judgmental people, you can feel self-conscious or anxious. People who judge are dealing with unresolved internal pain and their own insecurities. Pessimism can rub off on you as well. If your friend is a chronic complainer or never even heeds the advice she asks for, it may drain and exhaust you.

Please choose people who you can trust with your emotions, sweet friends. It’s been said:
“My friends and I are crazy. That’s the only thing that keeps us sane.”
Then again, they say: “The capacity for friendship is G-d’s way of apologizing for our families.”

Believe it or not, you need not agree on everything to stay friends with him. Make sure she is concerned with your well-being. Are you putting way more into your relationships than you get out of them?

Above all, you deserve to feel worthy and cared for. Surround yourself with friends who lift you up — because the world will surely knock you down. In the immortal words of the Cookie Monster: “Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.”

Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.