Do you understand how you feel and behave most often? What are some of your best or worst traits? Are you able to stay calm during stressful moments? Do you sometimes feel like you’re actually not “normal”? Perhaps you feel too deeply or have trouble trusting anyone at all.
Did you feel particularly safe as a child? Was it all right to trust others? It could be that you felt too vulnerable to feel or act a certain way in your past. What is problematic for us later in life may have started as a defensive or protective strategy.
It may have made sense in childhood, but we need not hold onto it any longer. It might not be serving you at all. Please do not remain loyal to your past self-protective strategies. This will only inhibit you from getting what you really want in life.
“If you give me a minute, I think I can make this worse.” Uh oh. If you sabotage yourself, take a step back and change your outlook on your situation. View perceived failures as an opportunity to learn and develop. What do you hold in high value? The opinion of your boss or others, perhaps? That will surely not lead to self-worth, sweet friends. Then again, self-love tastes better with a warm cup of coffee. By replacing your morning coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 87% of what little joy you still have left in your life.
But truly, do you compare yourself to her and count the number of friends you have? Do you focus on his accomplishments instead of your own? Find your own life path, please. The right friends will propel you forward and celebrate small victories with you.
You may find it difficult or disquieting to communicate your needs to your loved ones. If you insist on burying feelings inside, you can end up feeling trapped and behind the eight ball. Your trusted friend may dissuade you from taking part in behaviors that do not serve you.
Truth be told, you must actively seek out your own happiness. Sometimes it seems as if we purposely act in ways that ruin our chances of getting what we truly want. You’re on a great date but act disinterested or detached. You had a fight with your boss days before your promotion was due. They say: People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. Hmmm.
But honestly, why would you sabotage yourself like that? You must make peace with your past, sweet friends, to believe that you deserve success and happiness. Perhaps you do not even expect to find satisfaction or joyfulness, as it doesn’t feel like home to you.
Disappointment may actually feel more familiar to you than getting what you want and need. If you open yourself up to hope, you run the risk of experiencing a profound loss. You may thus decide that feeling safe or in control is your best bet.
Yes, humans are quite unreliable at times. Getting close to others can seem downright unnerving. Not settling for the job you despise may feel risky and uncomfortable in the moment. Do not deliberately ruin your own good fortune and well-being.
Please do not become your own barrier. Believe in your ability to handle that challenging job. There’s no need to undermine your efforts to find the right guy or girl to date. Do not give in to those voices in your head shouting negative self-beliefs. Heck, I’m in a relationship with myself, and it’s going great. Then again, I’ve got it all together. I just forgot where I put it.
But sincerely, you are not destined to be single forever, and yes, you do deserve to be fulfilled and happy. What is on your mental playlist right now? What you believe to be real about yourself may not be accurate in the slightest. You know objects in the mirror are cuter than they appear.
If your core belief is that you are “no good,” you may try to provoke a similar sentiment from those around you. You are the captain of your own ship, sweet friends. Do not sink into the deep blue sea, please.
Do not trip yourself before you reach the finish line. As they say: Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet. Remember, the second most important thing to choosing the right shoe is choosing the left one. But truly, be very careful how you talk to yourself, because guess what? You are listening.
Ask yourself: Do my actions signify self-love or self-sabotage? How do you get in your own way? In all honesty, what was the last act of self-love you performed? And don’t forget: Your vibe attracts your tribe.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.