Do you take time for yourself? That alone time has stress-relieving benefits, no doubt. But what if all that time alone is not by choice? It can literally be forced upon you. The longer you isolate and keep yourself in solitude, the more symptomatic you can become.
When you are confined to a space for a long period of time, your body actually undergoes several changes. Initially, your stress hormones may increase, and this can easily become chronic over time.
Socialization is crucial for emotional stability. If you are deprived of communication on a regular basis, your sense of self and identity can feel threatened. You may become depressed and downcast. The part of your brain that regulates stress and fear can become too hyperactive.
Your ability to focus or remember things may get impaired. Exercise can surely help, yet it can only do so much. Heck, ate a vegetable 5 hours ago…still no abs. I get it. What’s your favorite exercise? Running…out of excuses to skip the gym! They say no pain, no gain. I say no pain, no pizza.
But truly, you can be surrounded by so-called friends at a social event, and still have an unsettling feeling of loneliness inside of you. You may simply be longing for a deeper connection than most social gatherings or people offer. It’s perfectly alright to prefer your own company, sweet friends. You may not always be immediately understood by others.
You know what they say: There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. Put chocolate at the top of your list of things to do today. That way at least you’ll get one thing done. After all, it’s been said: Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed. Chocolate makes it worthwhile.
But truly, you can even feel it necessary to respect your emotional territory. You may not enjoy trivialities and prefer to do things which add value to your life. You certainly choose not to broadcast your life on social media. You do not rely on external validation as you engage in silent self-reflection.
You are profoundly loyal to the few friends you choose, and your commitment is deep. You invest real energy in your loved ones and show heartfelt affection. However, sometimes finding fulfillment in your own presence is not simple. Perhaps you too can begin to value your own company.
You may have very fragile self-worth and be hiding a storm of insecurity. Do you know someone who looks down upon others? Arrogance is a psychological wound in disguise. Your character is determined by small actions. Do take responsibility when you make mistakes.
You know how sometimes you need a leaf blower—but for people? True connections are built on trust and understanding, not just having things in common. If you are prone to make many fast friends, those friendships can just as easily come crashing down. Perhaps you fixate on one friendship or want to spend an obsessive amount of time with him.
You might be trying to fill a void of emotional emptiness. You can be constantly sacrificing your own needs in order to feel valued. If she does not appreciate you, this can end up making you feel even more disconnected.
Perhaps you seek solace on social media. That can surely give you the illusion of connection. You may find that not a single one of your ‘followers’ actually wants to spend time with you IRL. It’s normal to feel disconnected in this fast-paced, high-tech society of ours. AI is never replacing your best friend’s hug and warmth. That, sweet friends, is what human connection is.
Indeed, it’s healthy to have some ‘me time.’ Have a bite of chocolate. After all, there are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles.
But sincerely, you need not attend every social event you’re invited to. Remember to always reach out to real friends when you are truly lonely or feeling isolated. Choose the ones who make you feel seen, heard, and above all: valued. That is the true remedy for loneliness. A best friend is someone who loves you when you forget to love yourself.
In the words of Winnie the Pooh: It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like, “What about lunch?”
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.