Have you ever met your inner child? Do you even believe you have one? Indeed, you are a full-grown adult, but there is an inner child embedded within you. No part of you ever entirely disappears, actually.
Were you a fussy infant, a tormented teen, or a happy-go-lucky child? Your new adult self is simply added to what you have been all along. Does your inner child have a bank account named “Snack Attack”? The truth is that the child within you may have never fully recovered from a hurt and has no idea how to cope with it at all.
The child inside of you can cause quite a bit of psychic distress, sweet friends. Their feelings may have been suppressed and locked away for years. Perhaps you have never felt fully understood. You may have felt ignored, overlooked, or even disregarded.
Can you take the time to identify her? Will you make the effort to acknowledge his unmet needs from the distant past? When struggles arose, did your parents soothe and unburden you? If not, you may have to learn to re-parent yourself. Yes, you will become a parent to the innocent child you once were.
Eating cereal for dinner: one small step for adults, one giant leap for my inner child.
Speaking of breakfast, I’ve heard people say that you don’t need coffee to wake you up. You also don’t need a parachute to skydive, but it helps.
But seriously, do soothe your inner child’s pain, please. Inside of you lives a 3-, 5-, and even 16-year-old. You can only be as balanced as they are. Honor your former self who always wished to be seen.
Then again, they say a two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it. Pro tip: The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.
But truly, treat the child inside of you with the same love you would treat a child you know and love. Sometimes you must connect with and heal past wounds.
If you have enhanced self-awareness and are able to recognize the things which caused you pain in childhood, you may be on the road to healing. How did your past shape your present?
You might need to release some past repressed feelings. Create space within yourself to make room for new, healthier emotions and attitudes. If your joy was overshadowed by pain or too much responsibility, reclaim your sense of wonder. Be spontaneous.
When was the last time you laughed till you cried? Learn to extend kindness to the younger version of yourself. You can learn to manage adversity and bounce back more easily from hardship. Remember that what happened in the past does not always stay in the past.
If you continue to carry wounds from childhood, it will affect the way you function. Do you drink too much, shop way too much?
Wait—let us have a moment of silence for all the things we added to the cart but never bought. Heck, I just saved $198.70 by not going to Target. But seriously, are you avoiding thoughts or emotions which may be associated with past disappointment or trauma?
If you are ridden with guilt, you may feel as though you are always to blame when things do not go well in life. Your sense of self-worth might lie only in making others happy. If you need to please others, even at your own expense, you may be abandoning your own needs, sweet friends.
What drives you in life? Are you an overachiever? Do you believe that your opinion actually matters? Do you avoid conflict at all costs?
Please do not self-sabotage. Do not continue to doubt your abilities anymore. Don’t fall back into familiar patterns.
What you grew up with will most likely seem quite normal to you. You might have sensed that some things were not quite right, but in the present it is time to ask yourself some hard questions.
Begin by asking yourself what you are afraid of. Perhaps you fear disapproval from others or rejection. Maybe you have enormous difficulty trusting people. Are you afraid of commitment?
Believe it or not, this is a version of what you once were afraid of as a helpless child. It is possible that you felt rejected or unwanted by someone significant in your past. Your very own parents may have given you an experience of extreme nastiness or unkindness.
Be aware that what you project in the present has origins in your past. Understanding may help liberate you.
In the words of C.S. Lewis: “Some day, you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.”
P.S. Don’t lose your inner child—it’s the only one who understands why dessert comes first.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.