Do you know someone who is emotionally distant? Have you been trying to get close to them? People tend to withdraw when they are overwhelmed by sadness. When we are stressed, it’s often hard to feel anything but anxiety or pressure.
If you have tension in your home or workplace, you can become emotionally exhausted. You know the new rule: You’re not allowed to work longer than the number of hours you slept the night before. But truly, some people you know might be scared to get close to anyone, or they may try to cover up their feelings. Does he freeze when you try to get close to him? Does she shut down when you pursue a deep relationship?
Being distant may seem like it is protecting him or making her feel more at ease. If he suffered emotional trauma in his childhood, he may remain emotionally unavailable throughout his entire life. It may be too challenging to handle the neglect or abuse that was done to him at a young and tender age.
Do find out what he needs: a little space, or more support perhaps. People are distant due to fear and discomfort. We process emotional pain in a similar way to physical pain. It literally activates the same neural pathways.
If you feel swamped or weighed down by responsibilities, please regenerate your energy with some self-care. Studies show that working with your hands can reduce anxiety. What’s your pleasure? Fixing something in the garage? Painting, gardening, or baking? Listen, websites use cookies to improve their performance. So do I. But seriously, being creative decreases your cortisol level and promotes a feeling of calm. So, get busy, sweet friends.
Relax. Fill a heat-safe bowl with water. Add a few drops of essential oil. Place it on top of a radiator. When the heat cranks on, the evaporation begins, which will add water vapor to the air. Instant humidifier. You are two drops and one deep breath away from a better mood. Massage some hand cream on your hands while you’re at it.
Listening to music you love distracts your brain from whatever you are stressing about. And by all means, please cultivate a hopeful viewpoint in your life. Focus on that yummy cup of coffee you are sipping right now, or that warm talk you just had with your best friend. You know you’re addicted when water tastes weird without coffee first. How do I take my coffee? Seriously. Very seriously.
Give yourself permission to simply do nothing at times. That’s right. Embrace the “joy of missing out.” You do not have to attend every social event you are invited to. It’s okay to recharge your own battery.
Recognize what’s going right in your life. What made you smile today? Choose phrases that put you in a good mindset when you talk to yourself. What are you saying to yourself right now? Always approach yourself with empathy and compassion, sweet friends.
Detach from those negative emotions by reframing your thoughts. Replace those unfriendly thoughts with positive or at least neutral ones. Allow yourself to take a step back to gain perspective.
What makes your life purposeful? Are your material and spiritual needs being met? We all yearn to belong and to feel loved – yes, even you. Are you living up to your full potential? Learn to arrange your priorities to enable you to live a well-lived life. Attend to your material as well as spiritual callings. Sure, you want to be able to pay your bills at the end of the month, but remember that your soul has a destiny as well.
If you are trying to assess the direction of your life, you must learn to balance all of your needs. Are you living La Vida Broka? Do not expend all of your energy on accumulating wealth and things. At the bank, I told the teller to open a joint account. She said: “Okay, with whom?” I said: “Whoever has lots of money.” But truly, know what you are looking for. Is what you are doing truly useful and purposeful?
Do not depend on what he thinks of you for your security and survival. Don’t become a prisoner of her idea of you. Overcome your problems so that you can help others overcome theirs. And most of all, do not abandon yourself, sweet friends. Give yourself the same kindness you would give others.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.